As most of you know, I lost my husband last month due to cardiac arrest. I'm still struggling to get back into the swing of things. It is difficult to focus on anything, including my writing. Although I am learning to adapt to life without my sweet love, it's still a daily challenge to get anything done. I seem to go from one project or task to another without finishing anything, although I am getting better each day. Paperwork and phone calls make up the better part of my days...insurance, both health and life, getting things such as the house utilities, the cars, the house, the bank accounts, etc. etc. into just my name takes forever. Notifying creditors such as doctors (and there seem to be hundreds) that he has passed and then there's the "can you please send us a fax with all of the information and include a death certificate". I think I've spent $30 in one page faxes in the last two weeks. And if all of that isn't enough, I have flying squirrels in the attic. At least the wildlife expert, Greg, was a "stop me in my tracks" look-a-like for Ryan Gosling in his role as Noah in "The Notebook". I'm not exaggerating. I asked my daughter Sarah, "who do you think he looks like?" and without missing a beat, she responded "Ryan Gosling". I asked him if he had ever been told this amazing little tidbit of information, to which he replied with a smile "about 10 times a day". In a later conversation, Greg said "Yeah, I guess that movie is sort of every girl's dream of what love is." I think that's an accurate statement. Tony would have gotten a kick out of the fact that there was an amazing looking 30 year old assisting me with my attic invasion. But my point being, just another thing to deal with on my own for the first time in 27 1/2 years. I have been able to take pleasure in the little things, such as turning his office into mine...rearranging all of his baseball memorabilia, his model car collection and his childhood memories in such a way that I can enjoy them, but at the same time, making the space workable for me on a daily basis. I have turned his desk around to face the windows that look out over our backyard, with a view of our pool and the pond just beyond it. This morning, I raised the windows and listened to the birds as I drank my coffee and checked my Facebook page. Suddenly I heard loud squawking noises, as a flock of geese swooned in for a landing on the pond. I have placed a table under the windows with a little bench next to it so that our terriers (or should I say terrors) Charlie and Archie, can lie on a pillow and watch the squirrels and birds, or at least the ones that haven't checked into the Banks Attic Bed and Breakfast for Flying Critters.
So I guess one might say that I am doing better, learning to go on with life. Things will never be the same, but hopefully I will be able to find my way into the world, a world without a really good man who loved his family, loved life and fought the good fight for 19 years, to keep going and to remain amongst his family and friends, even on the days when just getting out of bed was a struggle. If he can do it, so can I.
I plan to get back to my blog on a regular basis as soon possible. I enjoy it so much. I had started back to my usual "all things beautiful, all things British and family remembrances" posts, but seemed to have gotten off track as of late. Again, please hang in there with me...I am taking baby steps.
